Dating With Herpes: The Emotional Fallout

If you've received a diagnosis of herpes, you are likely upset, confused and anxious about dealing with the disease for the rest of your life. You may even believe that your sex life is over; however be aware that genital herpes is not a death sentence, and neither is it the end of your social life. There are many people who are in the same situation as you, and the key to dealing with this disease lies in education, and getting good, up-to-date information. There are many larger cities which have herpes social and support groups.  Joining such a group can allow you to make new friends, and get information and help from those who are in the same situation as you are. Telling someone you are dating-and interested in a long-term relationship with-can be a difficult thing to do. Learning all you can about herpes can go a long way in helping you share your diagnosis with someone you are hoping to get closer to.

Herpes Facts

The American Social Health Association reports that 20% of all United States adults carry the genital herpes virus, with a figure as high as 30% in major urban areas such as New York City. Alarmingly, as many as 90% of those carrying the virus are not even aware of it because they have no symptoms at all, or mild and infrequent symptoms. Unless you specifically request the test for herpes, many doctors do not routinely test for the disease even when testing you for other STD's. You can be tested for herpes, even absent of symptoms, although some doctors will tell you otherwise. Newer type-specific blood tests for herpes have been in use since 1999 and have a 95-100% accuracy rate in determining whether you have the HSV2 or the HSV1 virus-or both. The blood tests should ideally be taken no earlier than 3-4 months following sexual contact with a partner to allow the virus time to show in your blood.

Spreading the Virus

Many people still believe herpes cannot be spread except during an active outbreak, and while you are certainly more contagious during such an outbreak, the herpes virus can be spread when no symptoms at all are present. It is quite normal for those with the herpes virus to experience "shedding" even when they have slight or no symptoms of an outbreak, and studies show that up to 70% of new cases of herpes resulted from sexual contact with a person who showed absolutely no outward signs of the virus.

Effects of Herpes on Dating

If you have recently been diagnosed with herpes, you are fully aware of all the emotions which go along with the diagnosis. You may end up being overly cautious, even to the point of paranoia. Be aware that feeling this suspicious and out-of-control can end up driving you crazy, and making you feel as if you are totally alone in the world. Try to relax a bit and remember that as long as there is sex, there is always a risk of a sexually transmitted disease. In even the most committed of relationships, there are many diseases which could rise their ugly heads during your time together. In many cases it really is no one's fault, and you should always use protection and put both your health and the health of your partner as a high priority. In the cases where a partner has strayed and left you with this disease-or any other-you eventually have to come to terms with the circumstances surrounding your contraction of the disease and learn how to get on with your life. This getting on with your life includes learning how to tell future partners about your herpes in a way that is both honest and matter of fact. Herpes can cause severe trust issues, however it is vital that you move beyond your understandable bitterness and move on. The Internet allows you the ability to go onto herpes dating websites, and there are also numerous forums, blogs and chats of people who have gone through this issue and can help you out.